 |
| Pigeon |
I know what you are thinking. Ahem, wrong bird there, old girl. Well, yes. No apologies here. I just couldn’t bring myself to put up a picture of the aforementioned creature. Period.
Those of you, who wish to admire the great flapping beauty of the dull gray pigeon, will have to take their enthusiasm elsewhere. This post is strictly for people like me who suffer silently and sometimes rather bitterly on a daily basis from the exploits of the pigeon population in the city. Welcome to this angst fest, people.
Come repeat after me. Pigeons are dirty. Pigeons are smelly. Pigeons are noisy. Now, what’s there to like about them exactly? When I see grown-ups trampling over each other to feed these dumb birds, I have psychedelic images of blood and carnage mushrooming in my mind. Really now, if God made these creatures (can’t tell why), then surely they have been provided with the power to sustain themselves as well? But trust these eager beavers to jump in and spoon-feed them. Maybe, that explains why these birds refuse to leave the city.
No apartment that I’ve ever lived in, has quite escaped their pesky presence. In fact, they seem to be an integral part of the quintessential Mumbai landscape. When I first came to the city, the apartment that we moved into came with a readymade pigeon’s nest, complete with eggs waiting to hatch into noisy little squabs! My mother of course, pointed out that a nest in the house was good sign. I didn’t see how. All I remember was wildly dashing from window to window like a deranged person, to fight these birds from taking over my home and hearth! That to me was a very, very bad sign indeed.
Over the years these birds have tried their best to get the better of me. And I am afraid I haven’t fared too well in this psychological warfare. Take the time when they had my bedroom under siege. About a dozen pigeons had taken to lounging on the ledge outside my bedroom windows. They didn’t even leave the back end of the air conditioner outside. I was literally surrounded by pigeons of all shades and sizes. From mid-morning to sunset, they would just sit on their ugly claws and make loud clacking and chalk-on-the-board scratching noises. These would be punctuated with violently flapping landings and take offs. I couldn’t rest in that room during the day. I had to flee my own bedroom! Of course, when the husband found out, he thought it was funny. Well, he wasn’t laughing when it was his turn.
One Sunday I woke up from my afternoon nap to the rhythmic metallic clanging, coming from somewhere nearby. Ding, ding, ding. Since I was unable to trace the source of that sound, I decided to lie down again. But soon I found myself rudely awoken by a louder version of that same sound. This time I got out of bed and went looking for the husband. I figured he must have dozed off in front of the T.V. As I walked towards the recreation room, the sound became louder and more distinct. DING, DING,DING. Curiosity having got the better of me by now, I softly pushed open the door. There was my brave able-bodied man with a large aluminum ruler in his hand. In the corner, trapped between the grill and the closed window was a very still pigeon. As I looked on in astonishment, I saw my husband raise the mighty ruler aiming for the pigeon’s head or so I thought. But instead he brought it down on the grill with a resounding DING. The pigeon remained unmoved. For a second there, I thought the bird was dead perhaps. I couldn’t hold back a gasp as this thought registered. At the sound both my husband and the pigeon turned towards me with a startled look. Looking serious and very determined, my husband explained that the pigeon had wandered in through the open window. While he was watching Babylon A.D in a trance-like state, the pigeon must have tip toed its way to the windowsill next to his chair. And there, man and bird had remained transfixed. Naturally, the moment my husband had discovered he had company, he was part shocked and part amused. The considerate man that he is, decided to gently knock out the pigeon with a blow to its tiny head with his giant aluminum scale. You see, in its unconscious state it would easy to scoop the bird and let it out. Or so went the reasoning. Well, they say my husband is a man of ideas. Although, at this point I didn’t know whom I was more afraid of: bird or man.
As if the above incident isn’t proof enough of my pigeon troubles, here’s another gem.
Recently, a pair of them decided to consummate their marriage in my bedroom (yeah, the same one that was under siege earlier). They giddily flapped in through the open window. And as I heard the fluttering noise, I rushed in to defend my turf. Well, at first they seemed to have a dreamy time cruising around the room, resting in various places of interest like the ceiling fan, the bed-side lamp and the dressing table. And before I knew it they had collapsed in a gray heap on my bed! After a rambunctious roll in the hay, with feathers flying in all directions and my bed spread mauled beyond repair, they decided to take the action to another spot: the windowsill.
By now, I’d had enough. I started making clicking and shooing sounds to guide them out of the open window. It was then that their silly little afternoon romp came to a terrifying end.
Both the pigeons panicked. They huddled together and frantically started flapping about the spot in front of the window. What amazed and alarmed me all at the same time was the sight of the dumb birds repeatedly head-butting the window frame! They were just millimeters away from the opening. Yet they just stayed on the closed side and kept up their absurd attempts at escape. Pigeons head-butting. Would you believe it? They had to be eventually scooped up by my exasperated maid and released out of the window. Needless to say, what was left behind was a messy malodorous bedroom and a very rattled yours truly.
Like Rick Blaine would say, “Of all the domestic joints in all the places in all of Mumbai, they walk into mine”. Yeah, these birds definitely seem to have a thing for my apartment. You know, they are perpetually trying to build their dreams around my nest. Talk about bird brained ideas. I say, keep dreaming you little wretches!
Image courtesy:www.animalpicturegallery.net
